CINEMA STONER: BLADE RUNNER 2 VS. SAND STORM INDICA

The rebootquel to Ridley Scott’s 1982 genre-defining neo-noir classic, Blade Runner 2049 is a feature-length perfume ad—a great-looking shell of a video-game-cut-scene that no amount of marijuana could make better.

Believe me, I tried. I specifically asked the weed sommelier at Portland’s Serra for the best strain to accompany the near three-hour sci-fi dirge directed by a French-Canadian auteur known for ending his Jake Gyllenhaal drama with the appearance of a giant spider. Without looking up from her register, the budtender said: “Try the Sand Storm.”